Mar 23, 2017
by Emily France
Anchor Christian Church, Anchor, NY
Self-Worth
Self-worth is defined as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.” Not to get this confused with self-esteem. Self-esteem is based on measurements of external actions rather than based on one’s worth as a person. Everyone has a different sense of self-worth. Many people value themselves highly, and others, not so much.
All my life, I’ve struggled with not feeling “worth it.” I’ve never been the girl that guys like or desire. I’ve always been too loud, or not curvy enough, or not pretty enough. I remember lying awake every night hating myself because I knew I could never live up to the standard of the “perfect woman.” Because of my insecurities, I was depressed at age 9 and only began to “cure” my depression at age 14. During my depression, I would feed into the lies that the enemy would tell me: “You’re repulsive. You mean nothing to your family or your ‘friends’. Why are you continuing to live? You’re just taking up space. You’re worthless.” I believed all of it for almost six years. I would cry myself to sleep every night, begging God to kill me in my sleep. There’s nothing pretty about that. Suicide shouldn’t be romanticized (but that’s a topic for a different day). I attempted suicide twice: once when I was 12 ,and then when I was 14. I felt that God couldn’t use me because I had ruined the body He gave me. I self-harmed from age 9 to age 15. It was a daily task that I was addicted to. All of this was because I had believed lies. I truly believed that I was worthless — but in fact, I wasn’t and I’m not. Regardless of all my mistakes, doubts, and fears, God still loved me. He called me daughter. I had never felt that kind of love until I felt God’s presence at three in the morning in my bathtub, while I was bleeding the hatred I had for myself out of my body in crimson ribbons.
It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that my worth doesn’t come from how I look, or how I dress, or how others view me. It doesn’t come from the world. It comes from the Father — my Heavenly Father. He loves me and made me perfectly imperfect. Despite all my flaws, He’s using me to further His Kingdom. Every day is a struggle for me to remember it, but in God’s eyes, I’m worth it. So worth it that His son died for me. Not just for me, though.
You ARE priceless. You ARE beautiful. You ARE strong. You ARE important. You ARE worth it. You’re worth more than the number on the scale, than the names you’re called, than the pictures they ask you for, than your bra size, than your scars and cuts, than your eating disorder, than your insecurities, than all your struggles. God spent an eternity making you perfectly imperfect and designed you for a purpose: a purpose only you can fulfill. Psalm 139:13-15 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.” There’s a quote that says, “God made the whole universe, looked at it, and thought it needed you” — and that’s 100% true!
Life is so short. Spending it trying to find your worth in temporary things will only shorten it. Your worth comes from God. You are strong enough to power through your insecurities and come out stronger in Christ. Keeping your eyes on the Lord at your darkest points will shine so much light on them — maybe you will forget that they are even there. Find your worth and solace in God. I promise — you won’t be disappointed.
