May 29, 2020
By Pastor Phil Lawton
My heart has been heavy of late. I have been thinking of the consequences of the quarantine. Not the economic ones. The domestic ones. Though it has been on my mind since this lockdown started, the recent news involving Tara Reed and Joe Biden has brought it back to the forefront of my mind.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I encourage you to do a Google search about domestic abuse and quarantine. What you will find is that calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline have gone up.1 In my home state of New Jersey, reports of child abuse in March are lower than they were last year.2 But that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. It’s still happening. Children are just not going to school where these things are reported. Which leads me to the first reality about our current situation.
1. There are No Longer any Safe Spaces
I know for some of you the term “safe spaces” is grating. But there is no better term for a place where victims of abuse can go to be safe from their abusers. Prior to this quarantine, schools were a place where children could receive help and support. This is not just a respite from an abusive home—it also meant at least one meal a day. Because of the current measures all around our country this regular safe space is gone.
Schools were not the only safe spaces for children. After-school activities at community centers provided that respite and support. There were safe spaces for adults of domestic abuse. Churches have historically been a place that people think of as a place of safety. But the sad truth is that for many it is not the case.
2. Abuse is a Church Problem Too
Abuse is not just a problem of Hollywood, the media, or politicians. When the news came out about priests in Boston, the response of much of the Protestant church was not to look inward at their own problems, but rather to condemn this as yet another corruption of the Catholic Church. For too long the church has tried to ignore the fact that these kinds of problems exist. We think that we are immune or we only talk about it in hushed corners of the church. Wake up, Church! Silence is not spiritual.
Why are we spending time trying to curate the image the world has of us? Why do we think that we are not affected by the common sins of humanity? Jesus told us that we will have tribulations (John 16:33). We know that the world does not understand the things of God (1 Corinthians 2:14). We know that all have sinned (Romans 3:23) and that we will continue to do things that we do not want to do (Romans 7:19). We know all this and we see how the world still sees us as hypocrites. Church, we are failing at curating our image.
But that’s not really the problem. The problem is we care more about the image we project than the truth of who we are. Let’s be brutally honest. Sexual sin affects all of humanity, even the church. We can no longer ignore that. We can no longer pretend we are unaffected by the very same sins that the world has. Rather than set ourselves up as above the world, we need to show that we are no better than the rest of the world. The church is not perfect. Only Jesus is perfect.
3. Churches Need to Address Their Policies
Often churches only think about what to do after an assault takes place. This is an important discussion and churches need to be aware that many times the church has failed. But this should also be a time to assess how we prevent this from happening.
In my church, we have a policy that an adult is never alone with children. Currently that means that any video calls are attended by at least two adults and often include parents. If your church does not have some kind of protection policy for children you need to do that now! There need to be background checks. There needs to be training on how to treat children and how to deal with social media.
Too often the church is late to the game when it comes to protecting those we are entrusted with. Your personal feelings about the trustworthiness of a person are not enough to qualify them to work with youth. We must be vigilant. We have to accept that this is a common problem in our churches.
In the event that something does happen, we need to have procedures in place to report abuse and protect victims. Though we never wish for something to happen in our churches we need to know what we would do if something did happen. Church, we need to wake up! Churches should be a safe harbor from the evils of the world.
Too often churches are the center of that evil.
4. Churches Can Still Provide Support at a Distance
I saw an image going around Facebook that encouraged people living with abuse to reach out in code by asking for homemade soap. Though churches can’t be a physical safe place right now, we can be a place to confide in. We can be a place that reaches out to authorities on behalf of survivors.
Many churches are continuing to hold youth group or Sabbath school on video conferencing apps. Though I am sure you started these to provide a way to keep connected to others in your congregations, these provide a way for you to check in on other members of your church who might be at risk of abuse. A text message or a phone call can also be a way that you can support adults at risk. You still can be a safe person even if your building is not a safe space right now.
5. We Need to Give Voice to Survivors
This is perhaps the most important thing that any church can do. We need to listen to survivors whenever they step forward. In every case, it takes courage and vulnerability to come forward. Church, when we hear from survivors, we must NEVER minimize what they are saying. We must give them voice and space. We must work with them to seek justice.
The church exists to bring healing and repentance, not to decide the legality of assault. I know of too many cases where a church responded poorly to a survivor. When someone comes to you with their story of abuse, BELIEVE THEM. You are not trained or equipped to know if someone is lying—and it’s not your job to determine guilt or innocence. When we hear the stories of survivors, it is our duty to them to report what they say. They come to us because they want help—not apathy, condemnation, and silence.
1 https://www.forbes.com/sites/rachelsandler/2020/04/06/domestic-violence-hotline-reports-surge-in-coronavirus-related-calls-as-shelter-in-place-leads-to-isolation-abuse/#626c6d3d793a
2 https://www.northjersey.com/story/news/coronavirus/2020/04/14/coronavirus-unprecedented-challenge-nj-child-protection-system/5133057002/